My first day of my senior year was difficult. I’m the type of person that always doubts herself in every way possible, and I know I’m this type of person. I have always been told to believe in myself, but it’s harder than you’d think. I always see how confident other people are, and wish I was that confident. I entered 12th grade not knowing how confident I actually had to be or even have to be. I survived years of not trusting myself, and I didn’t know that my last year would have to be the year of high school where I must have the confidence to succeed.
My English teacher was fierce and confident. I guess the second she realized I wasn’t confident she made it her duty to make me confident. Teachers that make it their job to really help you are teachers that I value the most. Ms. W worked my brain out in ways I didn’t expect. I remember how the first book we were reading, Antigone, I was so not ready to be confused so much. Was the book even in English? I hated that book with a passion because I thought I didn’t understand. Ms. Warren consistently told me to trust myself. I honestly was so confused as to why she wouldn’t make things clear to me as soon as I told her I didn’t understand. It truly depressed me because I thought I couldn’t understand, and that she wouldn’t help me figure it out. I even started to hate the class because I felt helpless. I’d ask my classmates and they were more confused, to the point that they stopped reading. As soon as I noticed that I was completely on my own for the class and all my cries for help weren’t being heard, I decided to make sure I work harder to understood the book to be able to be successful in my English class. The class was suppose to be half way done with the book, and I had barely restarted the book. I read on my way home, before I went to sleep, on my way to school, lunch, any free time I had. While I was reading I looked up summaries every time I finished an Act to make 100% sure I understood. It really deprived my energy to study for my other classes but I was still on track. I ended up catching up to the class schedule for the book and was able to understand. I was so lucky to take dedication to understand the book on my own because Ms. W started to test us on each Act to see if students were actually reading. I scored the highest on each test because I trusted myself for this. Ms. W was proud of me, I could tell by the way she smirked when I’d answer a question, or even raise my hand to explain anything. The beginning of the year I was on the verge of failing and by the middle of the year I had a strong A. My grade was one of the highest and I was so proud of myself too. Pushing myself was not over, it was just the beginning. I still didn’t know how much I was going to have to push myself yet. I mean when it came to writing the essay for Antigone, okay, I got a 4 out of 9. I was so disappointed, but Ms. W saw how disappointed I was and she told me the reason of my score and I didn’t understand and was mad, but it really was just criticism to make me a better reader and writer. Ms. W wasn’t able to push me all year, as she was pregnant and left for a whole term. The substitute that came was Mr. M, he was the same as Ms. W, I just really didn’t notice. When Ms. W left I was sadden because all I could think about was who was going to help me understand anything. Honestly, this made me notice she was just there to tell me what the assignment were and what to do. I was the one that helped me understand. Mr. M came and gave a lot of assignments and expected them in short period of time. I was constantly thinking why is he stressing us out so badly, but really he was just preparing us by the end of the term my essays were 7 out of 9 which is really high. I never in my life thought my writing would get that good. My confidence grew every time I saw myself improve. Ms. Wand Mr. M made sure I saw my improvements. By the end of the year my teachers weren’t hearing a peep out of me, I was doing things on my own, which I needed to because we kept reading and writing and they weren’t expecting anything less from me. I even pushed myself in my other classes, got accepted to many colleges that offered me money, finished a lot of applications, got accepted in National Honor Society, kept my rank up out of my whole class and was able to get a job on my own. When you’re not really feeling confident, it’s necessary to push yourself to get your hold because no one else will do it for you.